Wednesday, June 28, 2006
0 cHeRI LefT TheIr FoOTpRiNTs
Finally went for SCS last weekend. I must say the course is god damn good loh. I found back my goals, my dreams and also my passion in life. Just like what Henry said, what was taught there was never taught in schools or anywhere else.
After 2 full day of course, I went back to work on Mon, but not with the usual glum. I was still feeling very good after that Sun's "Rugby Game", so I was exceptionally cheerful even though I only slept for less than 10hrs in 3 days. However, my smile dint stay long as my colleagues started bombarded me with all those complaints and negative words about work and life. There goes all my energy and soon I was feeling so irritated. If not for the SCS's Graduation Ceremony in the evening which was so fun and heartwarming, I am sure all my zest would be gone by now.
Tue was a not so good dae for me as I woke up feeling a little tired. The feeling got worse when I stepped into my workplace. The feeling of dread was so strong that I walked over to my secretary's office to ask for a sample of a resignation letter. After I prepared my resignation letter, there was this sense of "shiokness", so I walked to the wet-bench area and told Colleague A:
It's done liao. I got this strong urge to submit it today and just go loh.Colleague A: Huh! Dun so chong dong lah. You haven found a job yet loh.Me: I not chong dong. I think for very long liao. Since I cant change the environment, I just have to leave this environment in hope for a better one. Colleague A: What if later you cant find a job den it will be damn funny loh. I have friends who cant find a job for months, nearly to a year loh.
Me, getting slightly worked up: That's them, not me. They cant find doesnt mean I cant find. It's all in the mindset. I already told myself I will definitely leave this place by August. Since I already made up my mind, I must stick to it.During lunch, all my colleagues were telling me not to be so chong dong and it would be best for me to make plans before leaving. I know they told me all these is out of concern for me as they all know i have other financial commitments but I did make plans and it's definitely not chong dong for me to come to such a decision. So I told them that my first plan on top of the list would be leaving this gui di fang as it's a place that burn out all my passion and dreams. Not point in staying in a place full of complaints and rubbish that my boss come up with. If there is a future for me, I can still try to endure but since there isnt, the more I dont see the reason in staying loh. They respected my decision, though they would really want me to find a job first before leaving.
I was so so so tired on Tue that i wanted to take leave on Wed so as to stay at home and sleep but my boss kicked such a big fuss that I just forget about it. Leave is my entitlement loh, take leave also kena kbkb.
So on Wed, i just went for work loh. Dunno whether it is the lemon bath or the good night rest, I felt so refreshed when I woke up in the morning.
It was a good start of the day when I was surrounded by six guys all in executive wear in the same cabin as me. Out of the six, two were ang moh, cute ones loh and all the six guys were not those old or middle-age loh, they were in fact about 20s. Kaoz, so shiok loh.....first time take mrt with so many cute and young guys standing around me...haha...
However, that was not it. The best part of the day was when i received a call telling me to go down and discuss about my pay and other details. I was damn happy loh coz this new job is something that I always wanted to do.
I guess what I have learnt from SCS is definitely true and very beneficial. Most of my friends and colleagues would know that I have the intention to quit for very long, more than half a year liao, but I am still stuck at where I am. Y? For the simplest reason....I keep on telling myself I got this feeling I wont be able to find an ideal job and I would be stuck there forever. Not only that, I dint set a time frame for myself as I was thinking I still have my colleagues to accompany me. But, after SCS I realised that such thinking would get me to nowhere so I set a short term goal which is to leave my workplace asap and that would be before the end of August. I guess my first short term goal is going to be achieved soon.
So, now would be my second short term goal which is to improve my relationship with my father. During the course, O (dunno how to spell his name) said this:
No matter how much you hate your father, no matter how bad he is, you will definitely cry for him if he is dead.
This one short sentence really affected me so much that I cant help but started tearing. It's true that I always wished that my father never exist and I never see it as an honour to be related to him in any way. But then, if one day you wake up and you know that you not gonna see him anymore, not gonna hear his usual complaints, his usual nagging, his usual quarrels with you, wouldnt you miss it? We always remembered the bads but what about the goods? I am sure no matter how bad you think your father is, there's bound to be something or at least a thing he did for you. If he can tolerate all those shits I gave him for decades, I am sure I can do so too. Whenever I feel like eating durians, I will always go home finding them waiting for me at home without me telling my father. This is what father and daughter is all about. The invisble bond, the invisble connection that you can never break no matter how hard you try.
Hating someone is so tiring. Waiting for someone to put down their pride to say sorry is equally tiring, especially if it's someone dear to you. So before you can change anyone, change yourself....if you want someone to say sorry to you, say sorry to that person first. They will definitely appreciate it evn though they never say it out loud. When you have the chance, do it, if not you will bound to regret.
Going to SPS next month. Hopefully can see Dr George Lim...hehe....
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YiHui BLaEh BLaEH...
at |4:18 PM|
